I’m a mandatory reporter for my job.  Does this mean I have to report my own child?

If you are a mandatory reporter in your job, it does not necessarily mean you are under the same requirement to report abuse that you see outside your job responsibilities. But some states have laws that all adults are mandatory reporters.  And as a parent you do have a responsibility to keep your child safe. You can use RAINN's interactive tool to search your state's mandatory reporting laws.

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My child is just telling me now about something that happened years ago.  Do I need to report?

If the child is legally an adult, the decision of whether to report or not is theirs. If the victim/survivor is still under age 18, mandatory reporting laws probably still apply. If your child gets therapy or talks about it to any other mandatory reporter, that person may need to make a report. If your child is now an older teen, allowing them to make choices about finding a therapist and reporting, within the law and their own safety, can be a way to gain their trust and cooperation, and give them as much control over the process as possible. 

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What if my child doesn’t want me to report?

This is a difficult situation. It’s impossible for a parent to know how much of the story has been told, whether their child has been threatened or coerced into not reporting, or the depth and type of trauma their child is experiencing. In the end, the final decision is yours as a parent, and you are the adult(s) responsible for your child’s safety and well-being. You can consider whether consulting a doctor or therapist and letting them make the report, vs. making the report yourself, would be best.

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For a teenage child, issues of privacy and autonomy also come into play.  If your child is willing, you could both start by consulting a local crisis center, Whats OK (confidential support for teens), or Stop It Now. You could begin by helping your child find a therapist; many therapists who work with teens are skilled at helping while navigating both mandatory reporting and teen privacy concerns. A local attorney specializing in family law could also be an important resource. 

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What will happen to the child who caused the harm, if it’s reported?  

If the child who offended is still under the age of 18, their case could be handled by the juvenile court system. The actual age cutoff and the possible consequences depend on where you live, what offense is charged, and possibly also on which judge is assigned. Consult a local defense attorney who works with juvenile offenders and who is familiar with navigating possible public sex offender registration. 

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If the sibling who caused the harm is now legally an adult, but offended as a minor, there are even more unknowns, and a greater likelihood of severe legal consequences. It is highly advised to contact a local defense lawyer who specializes in sexual offenses, including law around sex offender registration. “Local” would refer to the place where the offense took place, no matter where anyone lives now. 

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If a sibling has offended after the age of 18, they will be dealing with the adult criminal legal system.  

 

Can I report but not press charges?

The final decision on whether to charge a person with a crime rests with the prosecuting attorney, although sometimes police may decide to close a case without passing it on to the prosecutor for review. The prosecution often seeks the victim’s and/or parent’s input, and they are unlikely to proceed without the victim’s cooperation.  But at the end of the day, no one can “press charges,” or decide not to press charges, except the prosecuting attorney.  

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What about the sex offender registry?  I don’t want my child to go to prison, but I want to make sure they can’t do it again.  

You can’t put someone on the public sex offender registry unless they are convicted of a crime. Many states have a secondary registry which lists people who have been determined by the Department of Human Services investigation to have abused a child. This requires a much lower standard of proof, and it prevents those people from getting a job or professional license to work with children and other vulnerable populations. ​

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I want to get my child into sexual behavior treatment but they only see court-ordered clients.  How do I get help without condemning my child as a criminal or labeling them as a sex offender for life?  

This is a really tricky situation and a huge drawback to the way the system works in the US. The answer depends on the child’s age, the laws of your state, resources available where you live, what the victim wishes to do, and more. Safe places to describe your specific situation and get an answer confidentially include Stop It Now or consultation with a local criminal defense lawyer.